Dear Baby {Maternity 21}

Dear Baby,

We've been seeing two different doctors for about two months now. It started out that my OB just wanted me to be seen by this perinatalogist for my 20 week ultrasound because they have better and more up-to-date machines. We went to this appointment and you were the most stubborn baby they've seen. I've gotten that a few times already, baby. You were curled in a tiny ball all the way down in my pelvis and they couldn't get a single measurement. By the end of the appointment, I was feeling pretty scared. The doctor and two other ultrasound techs were in there and whispering things I couldn't really understand. Nobody was really telling me anything. Then at the end, the doctor told me he'd like to see me every 4 weeks until the end of my pregnancy since 1) they couldn't get measurements and they'd need to see me again anyway and 2) because I have a thyroid disease. Great. 4 weeks didn't sound like he was worried though, so we went on our way.

We went back 4 weeks later and left feeling way worse than we did the first time- except this time you were pretty cooperative. Your daddy was pretty upset and told me we were never going back to that doctor. The ultrasound tech said everything was looking normal and all of your measurements were measuring right on target or a day ahead. You're on the curve to be 7.5 lbs full term which had me pretty relieved that you're not going to be your daddy's size! Then the doctor came in and told us that your head is more oval than normal and that he would like us to get the Maternity 21 test to play it safe. I'd already taken the quad screen test and everything came back normal, so I wasn't sure why we needed the bigger, more expensive one. He said that one checks for hormone imbalances and this bigger tests actually takes your DNA out and analyzes it. It's a blood test, so it's not invasive, but it's the best non invasive test there is. He gave us pamphlets, told us to call insurance, and come back for the labwork when we knew what insurance would cover. And we left. And went to Target to register. And I got really mad and upset over everything.

We didn't stress too much because my next OB appointment was a week away and we figured we'd just ask him what he thought. That did not go the way I thought it would. My OB "usually" will put my mind at ease and make me feel silly for even worrying. But this time, he seemed super rushed to get me to take the test before I could go back to the other doctor. He wanted me to take the test that day and wasn't a lot of help on the insurance front. It felt like they got commission off of referring us to take the test and he was ready to get it before the other could. It didn't feel good at all, but I was stressed and worried.... and got the blood test within 20 minutes. I felt cheated after and realized that neither doctor told us what your head shape could possibly mean. A simple "Ok, your baby's head is a little bit oval. This could mean one of 3 things: _____ or _____ or ______ or it could be totally normal" would have sufficed. But we got nothing of the sort.

So of course, I consulted Dr. Google, because we all know he's the best doctor there is. I suddenly was convinced we needed this test because 1) Dr. Google said you have Trisomy 10 and 2) I'd been having anxiety that you'd come out a boy since you hadn't been willing to uncross your legs in any of the most recent ultrasounds and this test would tell us with 100% certainty what you are. Trisomy 10 doesn't have a whole lot of information on it, but from the pictures I could see, the babies didn't have noses. They had nostrils, but not noses. I started having dreams of you being a boy without a nose and the week and a half between taking the test and getting our results was not a pretty time. Your poor daddy.

They told us it would take 1-2 weeks to get results, but I was also told that they might wait until my next appointment to tell me, so I decided to call at the 1.5 week mark. It was Friday and they would close at 2 that day. I called at 1 with no answer and still hadn't received a call by 2 so I figured we'd have to wait until Monday. That night, your daddy was so sweet and took me shopping. We walked into H&M when I pulled out my phone and realized the nurse had called back 30 minutes prior. I instantly called her right back and while the phone was ringing, I realized H&M was the worst possible place to be. I pictured her saying the words I didn't want to hear and myself melting into a puddle and daddy having to carry me to the car. So I quickly made him turn around and get out of there since carrying me through the mall would be SOOO much better than through H&M AND the mall. She didn't answer. So we started walking, and she called back! My heart was pounding! BUT.... she put my crazy nightmares to rest. Your results came back perfectly normal and 100% girl. I was so loud and basically shouted at your dad while still on the phone with the nurse "we're for sure having a girl!" I think I'll always remember that spot. It was a pretty funny moment. I couldn't wipe my grin off my face the rest of that night.

We're so excited for you to come baby girl. 3 and a half months feels like ages and yet it feels like it could come tomorrow. And we're so glad you're healthy and happy!

Love,

Mommy

Dear Baby (1 day shy of 15 weeks)

Dear Baby,

The cutest thing happened today. I woke up this morning feeling panicked that we have less than 6 months to buy, get, and prepare everything for your arrival. It's just my planning personality. I spent part of the day looking up different registries and where most people register. I wanted to get as much as I could on one list. I found the coolest baby registry that allows you to put all of your registries and all of your random wants from other websites all in one spot. Bingo. Perfect for this momma to be! I was showing your daddy how cool this site is and after a few minutes he jumped back and put his hands in his hair and said "it just hit me. We're going to have a baby. In this house. That we don't have to give back. A baby that needs this stuff in OUR house!" It was so cute. He came back down to sit by me and was quiet and thoughtful for a minute. I asked if he was stressed and his response? "Not at all. Just really really excited."

Dear Baby (13.5 weeks)

Dear Baby,

Merry Christmas! There was something so magical about being pregnant this Christmas. After an extremely rough year, there was nothing more that I needed. I wasn't feeling well when I woke up (usual) and after all the family apologized that I had been sick, all I could feel was grateful. Being sick was like a "hey Merry Christmas, I'm still here and doing well!" We could not ask for anything more.

Gifts this year were a lot different with you on the way:) Grandma got you your crib that we love! And maternity clothes that we super need right now, have I mentioned I'm anti-pants? Sweats, leggings, and full panel maternity pants are where it's at! She also got you the cutest Ute onsie and then aunt Bay got dad a BYU onsie.... Um... Then dad got you two more of the cutest Ute Jersey Onsies. Super confusing. I know. Sorry kid:)

Aunt Bay made and hand lettered the sweetest print for your nursery. I cannot wait to put it up! If my photography skills were better, it would say "Hello There Little One".

And Aunt Sarah made these darling onsies too!

The last 9 days FLEW! (And I only three up 7 or 8 times... Let's keep this record up, k? Or maybe decrease the throw ups to days ratio? I'd totally be ok with that too.) Im so glad they did too! We should know if we need to be planning pink or blue here in the next 2 and half weeks!! And I can only imagine how long they'll drag on.... We cannot wait to see you again!! We love you so much and are so grateful you're here with us!!

Love,
Mama

Dear Baby (12.5 weeks)

Dear Baby,

We got to see you again today! It still blows my mind that you're growing so fast in there! If I wasn't so tired and so sick, I'd have no idea that something so amazing was happening! You look like a baby today and not just a little bean. Daddy and I both caught our breath. We couldn't believe how big you've gotten and it was such a joy to watch you move! It was so sweet!

I've been feeling a lot better, thank you! Yesterday was my birthday, but we spent it in urgent care because of my massive sinus headache and not keeping anything down. Feeling much better today!

So far, we've got your carseat, a few clothes for each gender, a baby wrap, and a lot of maternity clothes. My dang pants don't fit, most dresses and skirts are really tight, and my shirts are looking a bit tight around my middle. I notice a mini bump, but I don't think it's super noticeable to the public. I think it might be in my head since I know my pants are so tight!

We're so excited baby. Each week is a huge milestone and brings me to tears. We're so grateful to have you with us and let the rest of our family know today. They're so excited too!

Dear Baby (10 weeks, written from Urgent Care)

Dear Baby,

We spent most of the day in Urgent Care today, we needed fluids. Not keeping things down for 48+ hours will do that you. Being super sick is apparently really common the Monday after Thanksgiving. We had to wait forever to be seen. Can we make a pact baby? Can we stop being sick at 14 weeks? I would be eternally grateful, although I'll love you so much either way!

Dear Baby (9 weeks beginning to end)

Dear Baby,

This week, we had a tough time you and I. But it didn't start out rough! On Monday, 9 weeks plus 1 day, we got to see you and your little heart beating away at 174 bpm. I'm convinced I saw you wiggle a little bit which was so fun and totally made up for my mad dash to the bathroom the second we got to the doctor's office. I think your daddy was pretty grateful I was able to hold on till we got there.

On Wednesday of this week, we drove home to Utah for Thanksgiving. And we didn't do well. We were really sick and so tired. Your daddy is a champ for putting up with us!

Thursday morning, we woke up sick, and grandma signed us up for a 5k. I knew we'd definitely walk it, but it was touch and go with how sick we felt. It was so cold and there were so many people. It was a bad mix, I know it. But we were great after that! Maybe we were just so excited for our favorite meal of the year that we just demanded not to be sick! I was so worried I'd let our news slip, but I've gotten pretty good at hiding it and keeping our little secret. That night we shopped for some fun clothes for our photoshoot devoted to you. I'm so excited to be able to tell everybody our little secret!

We had our little photoshoot Friday morning and the pics turned out darling!

We hung out with Gram and Gramps Kramer later, and I probably gave it away with the intense nap I took!

We ended up leaving Utah earlier than planned and it was a good thing we did. It was the longest and most miserable car ride ever baby. But you're worth it.

We're nearly a fourth of the way through and I cannot wait to meet you! We've got 3 more weeks till we can see you again and I get so giddy and antsy waiting!

Dear Baby (8.5 weeks)

Dear Baby,

You have the best daddy baby. He's really like nothing else. Tonight, it was late, we're over 1000 miles from him, I'd thrown up 5 times today (record), and I was taking care of your crazy cousins in Denver all day. I was feeling really sad and really sick. Your daddy sang to us baby. And his songs are the best out there. I fall more and more in love with him every time he sings to me. That's how it happened you know. He sang to me while he was in Mississippi, in this little Air Force laundry room. And I was smitten. Tonight he sang 100 Years and I instantly felt better. I may have still gagged a few times, but I was better. He holds me up when I'm down baby. He holds my hair when I throw up. He holds my hand when I'm nervous or scared. He holds my heart. And one day, he'll hold you too. Thinking of that moment makes all of this worth it. He'll hold your hand as you walk into school or anything scary. He'll hold your hair or hand when you throw up. He'll hold you baby. He holds us both together. We're the luckiest.

Love,

Mommy

Dear Baby (6.3 Weeks)

Dear Baby,

We saw you heart flicker today!! And it made my heart skip a little beat. Your daddy and I were convinced there would be two of you on that screen today, but it was just you, and to be honest, I'm so relieved! I think I was convinced there had to be two because I've been so ill so early on. So ill, baby, so ill. But you're worth it. We've been seeing a doctor an hour and a half from our little home because 1) we wanted the best care for you (and me) and the doc is so nice and 2) the office is surrounded by all of our "Utah food" that we miss! Today we were in a hurry to get home, so we stopped at Chick-fil-a to be quick (our usual is Cafe Rio of course.) I was so hungry since I was so sick this morning, that I ordered a chicken sandwich AND 8 pieces of chicken nuggets. Each of those by themselves are usually enough to make me feel stuffed, but I just needed both. And I ate both. And I felt so embarrassed. We had a pretty good laugh when your daddy told me not to feel embarrassed because I was "eating for 2." I looked at him and said "this baby is the size of a pea! It does not need to eat a whole chicken sandwich!" Maybe one day you will need to, but today is not that day, so I'm pretty confused at my appetite. We love you baby and cannot wait to see you again in 3 weeks!!

Love,
Mommy

Dear Baby (5.5 weeks)

Dear Baby,

We found out that we were going to be having you almost 2 weeks ago. I was not expecting a positive test so early (3.5 weeks is crazy early) but we could not have been more excited.... or more terrified. You were not an easy baby to come by. After we lost your brother or sister in June, we were told that they would tell you that we were amazing and you should come down to us the very next cycle. We were told that many women are able to get pregnant right away, and for our family members that had suffered the same type of loss, it was true for them. And we were sure it was going to be true for us. But it wasn't. We waited what seemed like forever for those two little pink lines that would mean that you were here with us. I think I needed those months to be frustrated so that I would be excited again and not frozen with terror the whole first trimester. I'm still terrified, but I'm excited and hopeful now. You've made your little presence known already in just 2 weeks and I'm so excited for all of the stages to come. I'm convinced you're the luckiest baby, baby. Your daddy.... he's the best daddy any baby could have. Baby, he's taken amazing care of me the last two + years, and he's already taken amazing care of you. He's run to the gas station 5 seconds before it closes so he could get me that 32 oz Fruit Punch that I NEEDED. He cleans out the fridge when the slightest smell makes me queasy. He makes sure the ice in my water doesn't make my water taste like salsa. I tell you baby, we're the luckiest to have him. And he and I are the luckiest to have you. We'll never doubt that. And we cannot wait to meet you soon (even though it feels like the next 8 months are going to drag on.)

Love,

Mommy